RYAN PLAN - SERIOUS SUICIDE ATTEMPT OR MERELY A DESPERATE PLEA FOR HELP

specialists are in disagreement as to whether the gop was in serious despair of any future happiness or merely attempting to draw attention do its serious and life-threatening teabag infestation last week when it committed an apparent act of suicide

the republican party attempted to, and may have succeeded in, alienating the most conservative and reliable block of conservative voters in the united states, senior citizens and those approaching that age, by announcing plans to destroy medicare and distribute the dismembered remains to its wealthy donors. the plan envisions handing out coupons that the elderly could use to attempt to purchase medical insurance on the open market

older people are, of course, the worst possible risk for health insurers. not only are they by far the most likely to need expensive care, but are also the least likely to be able to pay back the insurance companies

"it's not unusual that a teenager's desperate plea for attention goes wrong and results in serious lasting damage or death, and this might be what happened in this case" said dr ernest toungue. a therapist at the walgreen's medical center - a widely utilized source of health care including pap smears and other cancer testing - disagreed - "nobody in their right mind could imagine for a second that the american people would be stupid enough to fall for this - this was a deliberate attempt on the part of the republican party to destroy itself permamently"